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Tuesday
Apr232013

A Woman's Guide to Online Dating

Online dating is a wonderful thing. It's much more efficient in terms of time and money than just about any other form of meet and greet. If done right, it can be a lot of fun and hopefully yield a new companion. Don't be afraid it really works if done right.

The drill goes like this. First you join a site like Match.com, eHarmony.com or any of the myriad of online dating sites. You're usually asked to take some sort of test to assess basic compatibility, you upload photos, and finally you fill out some essay questions to tell potential mates about yourself.

As a veteran online dater, I can tell you that many women don't maximize their potential for success by knowingly or unknowingly botching this simple process. Men are simple creatures. By following a few simple guidelines, any woman, no matter what she looks like, can maximize her chances for success in finding a suitable match.

What I'm speaking of here is efficiency. None of us has the luxury of wasting time. I am not saying I can help you land a super model. What I am saying is that I can help you to not to waste time chasing incompatible targets. I'm suggesting you focus instead on "make-able" matches. I do believe there is someone for everyone. If your honest with yourself, honest with your potential suiters, and armed with a good strategy, you can find a mate.

1. Post Good Images

As I've already stated: men are simple creatures. Their number one consideration is physical attractiveness. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Many scientific studies over the years back this statement. It's not the only thing they're interested in, but it's number one. Men are first and foremost looking for a lover and good looks make for an exciting lover. Face it, they already have friends to talk with. They don't really need you for that. Deal with it. What they need, what they are willing to pay dating sites to provide, what they are willing to spend copious amounts of date money on, is a chance to acquire a steady sex partner.

That said, it is also true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There is someone out there for you no matter what you look like – seriously. The key is honesty, both with yourself and with a potential mate. Don't misrepresent yourself. Someone will like you just like your are.

So get your hair done, do your nails, put on a great looking dress and have someone who knows how to use a camera take your picture. The more pictures you post the better, but make sure you have at least one good head shot and one full body shot. Your body is important. No matter what you think you look like, don't be shy. Post at least one image of you in a swimsuit, or some other outfit that shows as much skin as you feel comfortable showing.

2. Post Current Photos

Nothing is more deflating than traveling to a far off coffee shop to meet someone only to find out she's misrepresented herself by posting a photo that at least ten years old. Since that time she's gained thirty pounds, lost her teeth, and taken to wearing polyester pant suits. For God's sake, post current photos. At some point you have to meet the guy. He'll find out what you look like. Don't waste your time and his. Again, someone will like you just like you are, be honest.

3. No Friends or Family Shots

This seem insensitive, but men don't care about your friends and family at this point. That comes much later. Worse, it confuses the issue. Men are interested in your picture, not your friends picture, not your kids picture, not your vacation spot – your picture. I've see photos with so many people in them, that I couldn't tell who the actual woman was! Also, your friends, no matter how beautiful they are, won't improve your chances. Leave them out. Post images of only you. You're the one in question.

4. No Dogs or Cats

Men aren't interested in your pets, … yet. At some point maybe, but for Christ's sake, leave them off the dating site. Here's the thing, the guy wants to be your pet. Get it? He doesn't want to compete with Herbie or Isis in this initial phase of the relationship. Introduce him to your pet when he finally comes to pick you up for a big date.

5. Use a Provocative Tone When Answering Essay Questions

Men know you like chocolate, long walks on the beach, and sunsets. We'll do all of that, and put up with a lot more as long as there's a chance for sex later in the evening. So be sexy! Talk as dirty as you feel comfortable, but you don't have to be pornographic to be effective. In fact, it can be as simple as the phrase: "and maybe more". I like long walks on the beach, watching the sunset from a secluded cove, and maybe more! Be playful and creative, but make it clear from the tone that you understand you're to be his lover.

6. Always Use The "Explain" Space

Many sites utilize "ice breakers" or "conversion starters" for the initial contact. Many of these offer multiple choice answers for ease of use. It's OK to use these, but if they provide an "open" area for an original answer or an explanation, use it! This sets you apart from the pack and offers a glimpse at your true personality. Men get tired of seeing the same answers over and over. Be playful, make something up. Better yet, say something provocative!

7. Always Opt for Coffee on the First Date

Finally, when you do score a face to face meeting, always, always, always, meet at a coffee shop for the first "date". Tell a friend where you'll be and how long you'll be there. Online dating is as safe as any other form of dating and I have never heard of anyone getting molested at the first meeting , buy why take a chance? If your really nervous, take a friend to chaperone. Drop her a block away from the coffee shop and have her come in "incognito" and sit on the opposite side of the room.

Full blown dates can be wonderful, but not for the first meeting. The time commitment is simply too large. As much as you think you know someone from texting and emailing, you really don't know them well enough to make that kind of commitment on the first meeting. The objective of the first meeting is to assess honesty and chemistry. This can take as few as fifteen minutes; so why commit to more? You'll know if he's lied on his profile by the way he looks. If he looks like his picture, he was probably honest in other areas of his self-description. If the chemistry or attraction simply isn't there (and it won't be three out of four times), you're only committed for thirty minutes maximum. Be polite, be honest, and thank him for making the effort. The rest is up to you.

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Reader Comments (1)

Why not tell MEN what to write?

April 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterA Woman

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